If you remember from my 'Decision Point C Cup' post, during my mastectomy my plastic surgeon started my breast reconstruction using expanders. The plan was to replace the expanders with implants once my skin was stretched to the desired size - C cup, then do a secondary reconstruction with saline implants one month after my last chemotherapy treatment. I called my expanders my "fake fake" ta ta's, and my future implants my "real fake" ta ta's. Make sense? Sort of?!
I have gained ~20 pounds in the past year and gained ~17 pounds during chemotherapy. At my pre-op appointment - 10 days prior to surgery - my plastic surgeon suggested that I lose the 37 pounds FIRST, then come back for my secondary reconstruction surgery. I asked if he wanted me to punch him in the mouth. Seriously?! So... knowing I had weight to lose to get to a healthier weight, he tried to match a new breast size to my bone structure, verses my current weight.
The original size of the expanders at the time of the mastectomy was 200cc's of saline each. This worked really well, because while I had areas of pain and areas of numbness from surgery, at the same time, my chest muscles were adjusting to a foreign object being behind them pushing them out. It allowed all the pain and adjustment to happen at once. I received a saline fill in my expanders every 2-3 weeks after my mastectomy, for a total of about five expansions. My last fill in December took my expanders to 540cc's. The surgeon encouraged me to try on my swimsuits, bras, favorite shirts, etc., to see how I looked in them and if I was happy with the size. With the help of wonderful girlfriends who owned awesome bras of the same size, we did just that. In addition, I still had an item of clothing that fit me from before my daughter was born. I tried that on and it fit in the chest, so I knew we were close! But I wanted just a wee little bit more for size. After all, I was coming from being a 'DDD' so an average 'C' was a bit (small) scary. I asked the surgeon for an additional 35cc's, which he balked at. In the end, we left it that he would for sure fill to 560cc's during surgery, but use his best judgement while in there to determine the best size for my body. After all, he has been doing this for 20 years. However, I made it clear to him that I am the one who needs to live with these the rest of my life and I want to feel good about them.
I had the secondary reconstruction and Port-a-Cath removal on February 13, 2012, at Mercy Hospital, as an outpatient. Everything went really smooth. The procedure involved a two inch incision under each breast to remove the expanders. The surgeon then used a "sizer" which he filled with saline, placed inside the breast pocket made from the expander, and adjusted to see how it would look. Once he was happy with the size, he removed the "sizer", filled the implant with saline, placed it, and sewed up the incision. The intent was for Dr. Renz (the surgeon who performed the mastectomy) to remove the port through this same incision, but it was too low. To save me another scar, the hot, hot Dr. Renz was able to make an incision through my mastectomy scar, remove the port and sew the artery closed. Before the surgery, I asked him to make sure he did a really good job at that.
The surgery took two hours, I spent about an hour in recovery, about 20 minutes in post-op eating graham crackers and drinking apple juice, then went home. The pain was minimal. I was able to only use Ibuprofen, and return to work after a week. I was able to return to lifting more than 15 lbs. and working out after three weeks. In the end, Dr. Emery filled the implants to 575cc's, for which I was very happy.
I was bandaged for a week and wasn't too sure about how I looked. The day after I got my bandages off, I tried on a shirt with a t-shirt bra and stood in front of the mirror and cried tears of happiness. I hadn't felt that I looked normal - like a woman - for the past six months. And now, everything looked proportionate. I didn't even care anymore that my hair hadn't grown in yet.
A week later, I went back for a follow-up appointment with the surgeon. I was advised to wear a shaping bra for a month to six weeks. By the time of my follow-up, the implants had started to shape to look more breast-like. The doctor told me he can't even share the pictures of my outcome because they are better than normal and he doesn't want to get anyone's hopes up. Oh. My. Goodness. Yeah-yuh!
A few weeks ago, my plastic surgeon performed a nipple reconstruction by puckering a flap of skin on each breast. I have worn a dressing on them for the past three weeks. I will have aereolas tattooed in a month to create a color variance.
Everything that is available today to reconstruct breasts is amazing. The effect it has on self-image and self-esteem can be told by the reaction I had the first time I put on a bra and shirt after the surgery and looked in the mirror. My emotions and outlook changed in an instant. I prefer not to be reminded of my mastectomy every time I look in the mirror, and all of this "work" will make that so. At the same time, I am simply happy that I am alive.
Quote for today:
"It is very hard sometimes to face the dramatic changes my body has endured. Cancer took away so many things that I identified with beauty for a woman: hair, breasts, eyebrows, eyelashes, fingernails, and toenails." ~ Allison, breast cancer survivor, from the book Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr.
This surgery was the beginning of the end for me. The end of cancer. The end of my body seeming deformed. The end of feeling disproportioned. The beginning of life after cancer. The beginning of a new normal. The beginning of a new me. ~ Gwen
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I learned last week that my plastic surgeon has a progressive neurological condition that requires him to stop doing surgery. He is working on follow-up while closing his practice over the next many months. His comment in response to my tearful "Oh my gosh, what are you going to do?", was, "This will open a new opportunity for me." Wow, okay. I get it that he has been in practice for over 20 years, so he has had his day. But I also see the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about plastic surgery as an art. And I see how excited he gets when he talks about getting to the secondary reconstruction step with a patient and how that is when he realizes how much he adores his profession. While I feel SO lucky for the timing of my need for his wonderful skill, I also feel sorrowful that he is going to have to give up his livelihood. Niether of us know the plans in store for us. Having serious, live-changing illnesses has happened for a reason. But I feel we both know they won't be harmful and they will lead to a greater future than either of us have ever known. ~ Gwen
